Notsofunny: Bangkok Glorious Bangkok!

Dear all, its been a long time since I last brogged, and since I cannot remember the username and password to my old brog, I hope to do it in this one, in hope of bringing some form of entertainment to you guys.

So, we (Er sao and I), reached terminal 1 on Wednesday, at 6pm accompanied by my mother who was kind enough to send us off and warn me not to do anything rash there. I laughed so hard, I thought I died before reaching Bangkok!

Suvarnabhumi Airport

Our flight was initially scheduled to leave at 8, reach Bangkok Internatioal Airport around 10pm and be back to our hotel by 11 or so. But for some strange reasons, our flight was delayed by 2 hours - 2 FREAKING HOURS! So we ended up watching Teen Titans on Cartoon Network while waiting.

Accomodations was at P2 Boutique located at Petchiburi Rd, downtown area. Initially I thought that there was nothing much to do in the downtown area, but boy was I totally wrong (shall elaborate further at the back)! There isn't much history of the place as it was erected only about 6 months ago, but the place ain't half bad.

P2 Boutique Hotel - 3.8 out of 5. Super-friendly staffs, but not too knowledgeable

So, upon reaching the hotel, the first thing we did was to strip each other off our clothings, and to make hot, raunchy, passionate sex, shaking the building, endangerous the foundations of the struture that held hundreds of other tourists, and at the same time, not forgetting to follow every single move of the karmasultra book i brought along.

Of course, that only took place in my mind.

Now, Im not gonna list down all the places we went, cus that will most probably bore u guys to sleep, so what Im going to do is just to briefly talk about places I find interesting. Saying that, on the first night, we went to Patpong - Thailand's most sleazy and dangerous area where men (mostly ang mohs) flock to, looking for pleasure.

Its a bird. No! its a plane. NO its..

The two pictures above are courtesy from Google, as we felt that it wasn't wise to roam around in Bangkok's most dangerous region on our own.

Strangely enough, when I talked to the Thai Girls, they seems to ask me of a certain 李老板 from Singapore, and told me to pass a message that he still owes money for the last service, and if he doesn't pay up in due time, they will advertise his full name, address and his favourite position in the Strait Times. Anyway, back to the Thai-Girl Show, upon payment, we were brought to a dark room, and since no cameras or handphones were allowed, i'll try my best to explain. This was the first thing we saw upon entering the room:

In case if you guys don't understand my poor drawing, the picture above depicts a hexagonal shaped stage with 4 poles, and chairs all around. So the minute we stepped in, we saw an Ang Mo guy having sex with a Thai Girl on that stage to the music of "Flying without wings" by Westlife. We missed the start of the show, and we know it because when we sat down, the thrusting became more ferocious and all that we could hear was cheers from the crowd, the thai girl moaning and the constant "PIK PIAK PLOCK PLOCK PLOCK" sounds, and the guy suddenly went motionless and whispered something into the Thai-girl's ear, and that marks the end of the humping. I really wanted to shout "Encore, Encore!" but I was afraid that they would chuck me out.

Taxis in the shade of Hot Pink in Bangkok

For the next half and hour or so, we were treated to other shows whereby the girls would come up and dance at the 4 poles before removing their undies and performing their specialties, which includes

1. Ping-pong shows - whereby the thaigirl would stuff pingpong balls lubricated thickly with oil into their body orifices, and try to shoot out the pingpong balls into a glass bowl, succeeding which would bring them a round of appluase and cheers.

2. Candle show - Whereby a blowpipe is inserted into the same orifice, and used to blow out the candles on a cake, which only God knows what the composition of the air used to blow out the candles is made up of.

3. Cigarette show - Lighting up a cigarette and smoking it with er, it?

4. Whistle show - Similar to the one above except for different instrument being used.

5. Blade show - shows a girl pulling out a chain of blades from down under, and just to prove her point, she shreds a piece of paper to bits with the same blade.

6. Magic show - I call this magic show simply because the girl very clearly inserted half a bottle of clear water (might be sprite) into herself, and using the very same er, hole, she emptied the contents inside of her into a empty bottle, but this time the liquid came out to be black (might be coke)! Anyway, the show was enough for me to clear off carbonated drinks in Patpong itself.

And the list goes on and on. We had to leave shortly after that because of the second hand smoke that filled the air rapidly after that. I really must emphasize that the show wasn't entirely entertaining. Sure it was an eye-opener, but it sets you thinking about the extend these women go to make ends meet. Also, the Thai-Girls up there weren't entirely Girls per se, if you understand what I mean.

Double Fillet O' Fish Meals with Gigantic Cups of Iced Milo, they still have these babies in Bangkok
*Loves*

Typically, traffic in Bangkok isn't as bad as whats written in travel guides. Sure, the tuk-tuk drivers are crazy most of the time, but its a considered normal compared to Vietnam. Traffic jams in Bangkok's a killer though. There was this one time when we were caught in a jam, and we were on that stupid taxi for freaking 15 minutes (I swear, I kept a looking at my watch) and it didn't move an inch!

One particular incident that remains with me vividly was when we were out and kinda got lost while venturing on our own, and before we knew it, the sky darkened and we knew a thunderstorm was imminent. True enough, it began raining cats and dogs, and a taxi was nowhere in sight!

Now we know who's been busy setting up a shop in Bangkok

Tuk-tuks, at this time, try to make a killing, and I say this I know we couldn't be too far away from our hotel (approx. 20 mins walk away), and all the tuk-tuks quoted us about 200-250 baht (close to 10 SGD) just to ferry us back to the hotel, and the worst part was that being in a tuk-tuk does not shelter you entirely from the rain! Finally we got a security officer from a hotel to call a tuktuk for us that cost about 100Baht. Not very cheap either, but they get out of jams very quickly, moreover, we were in a rush for time to catch the thai-girl show.

Shopping at Bangkok is tedious work. You need to have S.T.M - No no, not short term memory, you need Strength, Time and Money. Fashion over there is in a way quite different from ours, for example, graffiti arts are now imprinted on shirts. You either understand and love what the artist is drawing it, or you find it utter rubbish. Crude tee-shirts, can also be found in Outdoor wholesale markets, where you can bargain like mad, and walking away actually works! I couldn't resist the temptation, and hence..

Im gonna wear the shirt on the LEFT, and get Hong yi to stand on my RIGHT!

Of all the places to shop, I think the best place to test your limits is at Chatuchak (A.K.A JJ market). It is only at JJ market that you see people selling all sort of things. By "all sorts", I really mean ALL SORTS! I mean, the things they sell ranges from pets..

Wroof!

to single-clawed crabs, crayfishes and hermit crabs..

to little boys.

1 touch 20 Baht, Cute boy bring good fortune!

On the last day of our trip, we decided to try out the traditional thai message near our hotel. Like they said, you haven't been to Thailand if you didn't try the thai massage, and I agree! Strangely enough, the massage there were not quite the same as what I read.

It was supposed to be pain and leave you feeling refreshed for the rest of the day, but on the contuary, the massage got so comfortable, we snoozed at one period of time, and felt damn lethagic for the rest of the day!

Well, that about pretty much sums up my trip in Bangkok. OH, and before I end this entry, guess who I met at Chatuchak Market hanging out at a store?